I have three new prescriptions, including a Z-Pak of antibiotics, to pick up at CVS today. They are urgently needed. The total is $19.63, which I do not have at all.
I have begun experiencing a common and painful side effect from long-term prednisone use: accelerated tooth decay. Corticosteroids, it turns out, inhibit the absorption of calcium and vitamin D; your system steals calcium from your teeth and redistributes it to your bones. I already have one possibly infected wisdom tooth, which my Medicaid dental coverage will not pay for. The three other wisdom teeth look like they have been drilled down from the center to the dental pulp, which is where the calcium is ripe for the picking.
So I just got back from the doc. I have to go on RX Vitamin D and calcium supplements, have a bone density scan, and see a rheumatologist to see if there’s anything else that can be done to arrest the swelling from my arthritis. Unfortunately, she said, tooth decay is the most common bad side effect of long-time prednisone use and it’s a trade-off that must be accepted. Now I have to scrounge up the money for my med co-pays this afternoon, if there is any money to scrounge up. Oh, and some scrambled eggs would be nice. A six-pack of eggs at the grocery store next to the CVS pharmacy is only $3.99.
Normally I do not go for New Year’s Eve celebrations but this year, in moderation, I will indeed ring out the old and ring in the new. 2014 has been the worst year on record for me: breaking up with Lela in December 2013; a herniated disc in my lower back in early January; the stroke on January 31; endless pre-surgical tests in February; surgery in late March; a long, long healing period; and navigating the treacherous waters of various social service agencies. It ain’t been easy, folks.
On the plus side, a producer friend with whom I have worked off and on since 1981 has commissioned a one-act play from me, based loosely on a short story he has under option. There’s not a lot of dough in the gig but it’s good to have a work-for-hire after a long dry spell.
I’m worried about how much longer I can maintain living alone (it’s been almost one year). Since the stroke and surgery I’ve been battling short-term memory loss. Earlier in the month I paid my internet bill twice because I forgot I had already taken care of the bill on November 3 when I got paid, as but one small example. Writing notes and memos to myself does not help because I forget where I put them.
I managed to pay for lamost all of my RX meds this month but my food stamp allotment has been spent and I badly need help with grocery funds. I have a loose molar in my lower left jaw and need to buy some easily chewed meal fixings like hamburger gravy, pasta, etc. My Maginot Line at Paypal remains the same: email@example.com
Thank you, and sorry for the long silence ….
And so …
It’s getting increasingly difficult to hang on. Continuing health issues (I have to see a cardiologist next week), dwindling resources, past due bills to manage, just barely, an inability to work at my previous capacity, which is the legal criteria for Social Security Disability, a lack of food several days a month … my doc wants me to see a therapist but what good is that going to do? Make me search for a silver lining? Like the social worker from Adult Protective Services said to me, “Well, at least you have a roof over your head.” Yeah, that and what fucking else?
I’m enrolled in every social service program imaginable but they are scant help. After I pay my rent on the first of the month I clear $200 for the balance of the month, which is not even enough to pay my utility bills, let alone groceries when my meager food stamp allotment runs out …
Great … just writing this is suddenly giving me chest pains, which is why I’m being sent to the cardiologist after the inconclusive tests at St. Vincent’s Medical Center last Saturday.
Tomorrow, Saturday, September 20, I am being readmitted to St. Vincent’s Hospital near downtown L.A. for “tests and observations”. My doc, whom I saw today, is greatly concerned over increasing bouts of vertigo, disturbances in my sleep patterns, and morning chest pains and nausea. Obviously they are looking at the cardiac system, even though I had a clean EKG in their office this afternoon. But, all in all, since the surgery in March I’ve felt like a bag of wet cement. She wanted me to be admitted today, Friday, but I refused because I had to get too many ducks in a row before I go to hospital.
The most important duck to be aligned is my cell phone. My new IHSS worker, Maria, insists on driving me to the hospital tomorrow morning or afternoon but I need to put airtime on my cell phone — a minimum of $15.00 — in order to call for a ride home when I am discharged and to phone Lela with check-ins and to request her presence if things get complicated. There are no phones in the rooms at St. Vincent’s, only in the private rooms, and when you’re on Medicare and Medicaid there’s no such thing as a private room.
So, basically, this is a hospital visit fundraiser for cell air time and, well, I’m going into the hospital with $7.00 remaining on my Paypal, nothing in the bank, and I’m certain there will be meds and things to purchase when I’m finally discharged. Any assistance that can be rendered can, as always, be remitted via my Paypal account at firstname.lastname@example.org
Thank you, and see you on the other side.