Chest Pains and Other Pains

And so …

It’s getting increasingly difficult to hang on. Continuing health issues (I have to see a cardiologist next week), dwindling resources, past due bills to manage, just barely, an inability to work at my previous capacity, which is the legal criteria for Social Security Disability, a lack of food several days a month … my doc wants me to see a therapist but what good is that going to do? Make me search for a silver lining? Like the social worker from Adult Protective Services said to me, “Well, at least you have a roof over your head.” Yeah, that and what fucking else?

I’m enrolled in every social service program imaginable but they are scant help. After I pay my rent on the first of the month I clear $200 for the balance of the month, which is not even enough to pay my utility bills, let alone groceries when my meager food stamp allotment runs out …

Great … just writing this is suddenly giving me chest pains, which is why I’m being sent to the cardiologist after the inconclusive tests at St. Vincent’s Medical Center last Saturday.

Back to the Hospital

Tomorrow, Saturday, September 20, I am being readmitted to St. Vincent’s Hospital near downtown L.A. for “tests and observations”. My doc, whom I saw today, is greatly concerned over increasing bouts of vertigo, disturbances in my sleep patterns, and morning chest pains and nausea. Obviously they are looking at the cardiac system, even though I had a clean EKG in their office this afternoon. But, all in all, since the surgery in March I’ve felt like a bag of wet cement. She wanted me to be admitted today, Friday, but I refused because I had to get too many ducks in a row before I go to hospital.

The most important duck to be aligned is my cell phone. My new IHSS worker, Maria, insists on driving me to the hospital tomorrow morning or afternoon but I need to put airtime on my cell phone — a minimum of $15.00 — in order to call for a ride home when I am discharged and to phone Lela with check-ins and to request her presence if things get complicated. There are no phones in the rooms at St. Vincent’s, only in the private rooms, and when you’re on Medicare and Medicaid there’s no such thing as a private room.

So, basically, this is a hospital visit fundraiser for cell air time and, well, I’m going into the hospital with $7.00 remaining on my Paypal, nothing in the bank, and I’m certain there will be meds and things to purchase when I’m finally discharged. Any assistance that can be rendered can, as always, be remitted via my Paypal account at

Thank you, and see you on the other side.

Swimming in Oblivion

Treading water here to try to come up with the balance that I owe the L.A. Department of Water and Power (I made a $42.00 payment a few days ago) but so far all I’m getting is waterlogged. Money coming in next week but that does me no good today, the cut-off day. 


Today is D-Day, as in L.A. Department of Water and Power day. Yesterday I paid $42.00 on a pre-arranged payment of $142.00 and another small payment but now I am shy of fifty bucks to keep the lights and water turned on … never mind the fact that SoCal Gas shut me off in mid-February and I’ve had no hot water since then, nor a shower, just sponge baths in the sink. 

Some Nerve …

I am back online …  at least for the next seven days. Last Thursday a Time-Warner field tech appeared at my door with a work order to either seize my desktop modem or collect $71.24 for past due billing; but upon witnessing the scar upon my neck and the cane that I use to keep from falling down he was eager to work with me. The bottom line is I was able to hand him a post-dated check for the aforementioned amount in the form of a check postdated for August 18.


In the meanwhile, I need to make the second of three payments to the L.A. Department of Water and Power in the amount of $142.00 by this Friday, August 15, or it’s lights out.


I saw my neurologist on Thursday for my first post-surgical follow-up. I will not need another brain scan until the end of September. It turns out that the numbness in my incision scar may never vanish because, he said, a nerve had to be severed in order to access my carotid artery.


So, the assessor for the in-home nursing stopped by at 8:30 this morning to let me know that I have been approved for an additional and “unprecedented” third eight-week tour; after that, he promised me, “Medicare usually will not pay for additional care.” My nurse, Dorrie, is concerned about my bouts with post-surgical hypotension (low blood pressure) and my balance from the vertigo. I also start physical therapy twice a week beginning this week.

In the interim, I’m three days out from payday and 13 days until my next installment of food stamps and I am flat busted. Last night I had no dinner whatsoever and the only food I had all day was a cup of yogurt. I put out a mass e-mail yesterday afternoon and a few individual e-mails to friends and colleagues to no avail for the most part. If anyone out there can float me a tenner or a twenty via Paypal we can call it a loan if you like and I will reimburse you on Friday morning. Since I’m out of airtime minutes and am still without internet at home and cannot check my Paypal, would anyone who is kind enough to lend a helping hand text me to notify me at area code three-two-three six-three-two eight two seven nine. Paypal is


I’m typing this from the Edendale branch of the LA Public Library, next door to my doc’s office on Sunset. Yesterday, at noon sharp, my laptop lost the ability to imnterface with the internt provider’s modem. After spening hours on the phone with Time-Warner tech support it was determined that the issue was with my laptop and not with TWC’s equipment. The computer is at least four years old and had been running on a 2002 version of Microsoft Windows XP. The software must be updated and I do not have the funds to buy a software disc or, for that matter, and new/used laptop. So now I’m left to sit at home with no TV, a radio with scratchy interference, no one to talk to, no way to communicate to the outside world.

I get paid in nine days but until then I need help. Badly. I was summoned to the doc’s office this AM after last night’s BP reading by my in-home nurse revealed that my blood pressure is STILL too low. This has been an ongoing issue since my surgery on March 20. The doc wants to meat plenty of salted soups to see if that will bring my BP up to normal levels. I had an 87/70 reading last night. Anything under 100 is officially low blood pressure

After I send this out I will be heading home. I need to raise funds for soup, durable medical goods and, if the monies are there, a new version of Windows. If anyone can help in any way, large or small, my Paypal is Of course, with no net there’s no way that I can check my Paypal. Senders may call or text me at area code three-two-three six-three-two eight-two-seven-nine.,


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